no internet!

My interget is out so I am attempting this with my phone! This is hard! I am just so so these days, I have not been back to the gym but am trying to eat healthier! Clothes are fitting looser but not really much change for weight! I'll have fun in Park City anyway!darn can't post my weight picture....

Confused

I am so confused! I am on the next hole on my belt! But my weight isn't changing. I weighed in this morning at 202, That is up 4lbs from last weigh in. But I am tightening my belt! Weird huh? I asked my husband if belts can stretch. He laughed! I guess I should be happy right? Why is that number so freaking important. I am stressing over the fact that I am shrinking but the number on the scale is not! I am almost in a size 14, and am not enjoying it (well, I am a little bit) I hate the whole body image, weight crap!
On another note...
I went to the eye doctor yesterday to have my eyes checked and get a new prescription for glasses (I lost mine) and all morning I had the thought of "oh, man I hope they don't see signs of diabetes in my eyes." I was nervous because I know that I haven't exactly been doing really well with my eating and exercise. So I asked them to do the diabetes check. The doctor did and said he sees no signs of diabetes in my eyes, that in fact had I not said anything he would not have known I was diabetic. That is really good news because the eyes usually show it first.
Then stupid me being relieved over that thought, I started thinking darn had he said that there was a sign It might have pushed me to do better. I am such an idiot, just do better so that there never is a sign should be my thoughts, right?
I need to lose 50lbs. Some of you have already lost over half of that. It looks so easy for you guys, while it seems so flipping hard for me.
Summer starts for me, because I am a mom of school aged children, on the 30th of May. I will have no excuses of not going to the gym because I will have my older children to watch the little one for the hour and a half it takes! I am actually a little excited about that. I like to exercise. It gives me renewed energy for the day, it helps me feel better about life and keep a tidier house. Weird how it affects everything in your life.
Anyway enough of my rambling!

Weigh In: May

Did have to be a normal spoon?

Soory Guys...

Sorry I didn't post sooner! My day did go Better. Not perfect but better. I realize that changing bad habits is something that has to be up front on your mind constantly, because it is so easy to forget. Or You make it so easily forgotten! But I am trying to put my eating and plan up front of my thoughts. I wish I didn't have to. I would love for it to become second nature! Oh, I guess that is why we are doing this, LOL!!! Thanks guys for checking up on me! keep it up maybe I will listen and keep myself going!!

Today

Today I will eat healthier!
Today I will walk/jog for an hour and see where that gets me!
Today I will have a positive attitude about myself and know that I can do it and I am worth it!
Today I will laugh and be happy!
Today I will post on my Blog!
Today I will not Fail!
Today is a good day!

ok...

So here it is... I have started over so many times I really don't know if I am starting or stopping or what! I really am trying to find my motivation and what I feel will work for me, something that I think that I can live with. I haven't posted because honestly I am not really doing anything. Sad I know. I love to workout, yet I find all kinds of excuses not too. I know how to eat healthy, yet I still put too much in my mouth. I watch the Biggest loser on TV and think, wow if they can do it then I can too. And I still have not committed. What is wrong with me? I want to be happy with myself and my everyday choices. I want to stop feeling guilty every time I read everyones posts and see that they are achieving what I so desperately want. I really feel like I am the only one with the struggles. Like I said I have started over so many times! Why is it so hard, You would think that if I am unhappy then I would do all that I could to change things right? Sounds good to me. But for some reason I still eat wrong and make crap excuses for not working out. I overcame one of my excuses today for going to the gym, that was that my 3 year old won't go in the little play place day care thing at the gym, but I took him today and he did fine and I got an hour on the treadmill. So I was happy with that. But I just feel like I need to do so much more and can't figure out how to push myself to keep going this time. Karilynn, you are such an inspiration to me. You have just made up your mind and have gone for it. I really am proud of you. Same with Melissa last year, she just made up her mind and said I will not fail and boom she did it. What is the secret that I am not getting? It can't be from not wanting it bad enough, because I definitely want it. I am going to die from complications from my Diabetes if I don't do it, and I know this and still seem to fail. What is wrong with this picture?
UUGGHH!!

OK, Sorry that was just a big long rant!!

Hey Guys...

My husband wrote a book and published it and we want everybody to go take a look
http://stores.lulu.com/categib

If you can't say something nice.....

Your right karilynn, on nicholettes post you said that the average is about 3lbs! Mine is just the other way!

What can I say?

I fell off the wagon, lost all motivation! Then I realized that I get another chance. So I am here. I am working out everyday, and if I miss a day, I am OK because I know I will go tomorrow. My food choices are getting better. I am feeling like I can sit in the wagon again. My struggle is that I eat not because I am hungry but because I like the taste of food. My hungry gauge doesn't work. Well it probably works, I have just ignored it for so long that I don't know when it is working anymore. So I know that I need to figure out that part of me. Not just diet and exercise, but figuring out my triggers and how to feel my hunger gauge again. I feel like if I don't get the issues figured out then I will yo-yo like this forever. Today I am going to the gym, and walking on the treadmill at 3.5mph up and down hills for an hour, then I will do some lunges and leg lifts, and some planks and push-ups. Then I will come home and make myself something for lunch that has protein to help repair the muscles that I torture, and then I plan on doing it again tomorrow. We'll see how things go.

This month is just flying by

I can not believe that it is already headed towards the end of March! The kids and I were talking about how long until the end of school! We figured that if you don't count spring break, it is 9 weeks till the end of may, which would be 10 weeks till the end of the BIGGEST LOSER! Can you believe it?
I guess I really need to step things up a bit so that I can partake of a little of your money ladies!